“Why do bad things happen to good people? Maybe He doesn’t love us.”
When I learned a loved one had diabetes, I blamed God. I didn’t turn away completely but I was resentful and saw His love as a fluke. When my then 2 y.o. sister got hit by a friend using my scooter on my 14th birthday, I blamed God and questioned His love. In college, when important people hurt me and/or left, I doubted I’m worth anyone’s love. Through the years I just kept inching away from God’s love. When things would get tough at home or work, especially work, I’d take on things on my own. The fire exit was a good friend. Needless to say I got burnt out in all the jobs I had.
I was quick to blame Him in the seemingly bad things because I failed to understand. Come to think of it though, why was I blaming a lifestyle disease on God? Why was I blaming my classmate’s failure to hit the brakes soon enough on God? Why did I equate deceit of a best friend as a mirror of His love? At worst, I was even blind to the good things that came out of it. I learned to appreciate people in my life more because of those things above.
We conjure misconceptions or off impressions mainly because we don’t understand. How I understand His love now is He works through people and circumstance. Even people who outright refuse His love, He is working on their lives, to become good parents, friends, excellent employees, siblings.
I didn’t transfer to Miriam from the State U because He didn’t love me. It’s Him working on my heart full of pride. My value as a person then was based on how good my grades were, how smarter I thought of myself compared to other people. My units from UP overshot the maximum allowable in MC and I wasn’t eligible for Latin honors. It was still Him working on me and my misplaced self-worth on grades. I exceeded by one unit. One. Can’t be a coincidence. Nothing is.
Awesome people I met along the way. L-R: Kath from UP (friend of 11 years),
Iris from Miriam (friend of 7 years), UP Baguio Debate, MC Debate
How hard I was on myself translated even in the debate org and jobs I had after graduating. He had to prune me for years. It was only last year when I almost lost my best friend over something at work that I realized there are more important things than getting things done. Being able to love a person despite difficult times and letting God guide me in things I do, these are more important.
It’s funny how it was easier for me to believe Steve Jobs when he said it will all make sense afterwards, that we connect the dots backwards, than me to believe God’s promises and love.
But I believe now. And that’s a fact.